if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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