god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
