I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
