he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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