I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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