she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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