I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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