Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
