Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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