So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
