...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
