shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
