If that was your dad, he is hot
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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