we have officially lost it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
