I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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