Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
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