I feel great
I just peed on a car
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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