im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The feeling are messing with the penis
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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