We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
