conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
