He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
