You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
