did you get engaged???
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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