The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She told me I should be a condom model.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
