My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
