I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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