KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
