Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This toilet bowl is my home.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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