I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
