My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
