She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
