eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
