I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
