You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
