Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
