I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
