My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
