Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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