I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
