I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
