I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
