My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
