My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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