I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
