So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
