How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
