I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize