Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
