You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
