oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
