Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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