Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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