When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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