4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
