Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
