I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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