Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
