I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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