I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
