oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
