True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize