Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
