I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
