i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
