So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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