Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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