Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
