I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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