I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
